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2004-06-03 - 7:54 a.m.

MAKE NO MISTAKE this took numerous days worth of ponderation. I don't seriously imagine anyone reading the whole lot but I got a lot of pleasure from doing it, suprisingly.

So here, on what is actually my 103rd entry, is my...

"""""""100 POINTS OF PORL"""""""

100 things that make me moi?!

001. MY DELICIOUS. My wife, I could write about for ages, but I won't. suffice it to say she is the number one reason I have a smile at all. I feel complete with her and in all honesty, she is my success in this life.

002. LEGO. To no other force can I accredit my ingenuity, albeit a creative and aloof use of ingenuity.

003. THE COLLIE. From the age of 7 till 22 I had a collie in my life. Lassie goes only half way to describing their pleasure and companionship skills.

004. AUSTRALIA. 15 of my most important growing years spent in that wonderful, magical place. Adelaide, Noosa and Surfers Paradise.

005. ENGLAND. from birth to 10 and then from 26 to 29. The little English schoolboy bit and then the dodgy London lad bit.

006. LOVE. An emotion that envelopes me totally and still leaves me bewildered yet happy. Ask my Delicious.

007. FAMILY. Our family are so closely tied, despite our geographical differences, warm fuzzies out the wazzoo! I have met few people with the same bonds as us.

008. FRIENDS. So many times my friends have laid before me and carried me through rough times. I prostrate myself for eternity to all my friends.

009. MUSIC. The only constant.

010. SEX. What can I possibly say about the interaction of nerve endings, electrical pulses and genitalia that could come close to describing the wonders of sex.

011. DRUGS. Yes, although as I age they become less, hopefully - my liver says - Vices in general, used appropriately, can definitely focus, or unfocus, ones mind depending on the circumstances, to great advantage. I will never advocate the use of these evils to anyone but they are out there and a bit of education in that department goes a long way. I have seen a few people mistreat these delicacies and have had to perform numerous extraneous tasks to ensure their health. That bit definitely sucks, hence the EDUCATION rant earlier. I have never ever been too "wasted" to not be able to help someone out should the need arise. I have never injected anything either though so I have been nowhere near the real "heavy shit", just the fairly simple and cheap social drugs I have experimented with.

012. FOOD. The delights of cooking and the adoration from the consumerist. GIVE ME IT!

013. APPLE. That is not a food reference as the fruit of the same name, despite it's teeth cleaning attributes, is not nearly as cool and useful as the computer. CHANGED MY LIFE.

014. KNIVES. My Global's particularly. This is another cooking reference really but as I found out from many a chef during my life as a hospitality engineer (see later), a sharp knife is ESSENTIAL.

015. BODDINGTONS. It definitely says something about me that a beer should be in the top 20. The Cream of Manchester you know. Guinness without the sharp sting.

016. DRUMS. Listen to Trilok Gurtu and you will see the light. My fingers are instruments. 16ths-PAH, 32nds-A DODDLE, 64ths-ho hum, 80ths! That's what I'm talking about.

017. COKE. I lost so many teeth to this drink that I should be on the steps of their main office with placards to the opposite, but, I do still love it. Not the 8 cans a day that I once did (for almost 6 years) but once in a while, with.........

018. JACK DANIELS. A refreshingly simple bourbon. unpretentious and stupidly strong.

019. THE HUMAN FORM. As an artist, no greater inspiration exists for me. Da Vinci had the right idea. Except I wouldn't go as far as cutting up cadavers to get my muscle sketches more realistic. EEEW GROSS.

020. SOUND PROOF STUDIOS. To be overwhelmed by complete silence is something you rarely get to experience. I have nearly built several, I only await a bigger basement.

021. THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Far too many descriptive, anecdotic, characteristic, characterizing, circumstantial, classificatory, clear, definitive, delineative, depictive, describing, designating, detailed, eloquent, expletive, explicative, expository, expressive, extended, graphic, identifying, illuminating, illuminative, illustrative, indicative, interpretive, lifelike, narrative, particularized, pictorial, picturesque, revealing, specific, vivid words exist for what, with which to express ones very self. Clearly.

022. CHILDHOOD. Many people seem to have missed theirs but I am still riveted to mine (I'm 32 don't you know) Delicious knows only too well just how well I excel at being 17.

023. GLASS. Fantastic stuff, stick anything behind it and "Hey presto" a work of art.

024. MIRROR. Refractions and reflections. I had the most dangerous home made mirror "ball" when I was younger. Tasty swathes of green and blue slowly criss crossing my room as I fell asleep to Peter Gabriels Mercy Street.

025. MERCY STREET - PETER GABRIEL. I listened to that song on repeat for at least two years as I drifted into a blissful sleep.

026. CHARCOAL. Very touch sensitive, dangerous in the wrong hands. Unreal in my hands.

027. ROBERT SMITH. I seem to have forgotten how much of an inspiration he was earlier in my tapestry weaving (life)

028. FETISH WEAR. hmmmmm.

029. SEX. Damn, I already said that one didn't I.

030. REASON. Great music software that gives you ultimate power. Having been brought up on analog studio stuff, I already knew how to use this software just by looking at it. BRILLIANT!

031. INSECTS. Man I love insects, I used to collect huge insects when I lived in Australia and kill them inhumanely and pin them onto cardboard for later placement on the walls of my room. One sure way to keep mother out.

032. IPOD. Source of 3000 types of great relief. Except when the battery is dead.

033. HOSPITALITY. (see also 70-74) I spent 12 years in hotels learning how to exceed guest expectations and excelling wonderfully at just that. Now that I have moved on, I am the curmudgeon of the century when I don't get the service I spent YEARS perfecting. Which is every time I am anywhere in the industry except maybe SAS Raddisson hotels.

034. LIGHTS. My home is testament to the advent of mood lighting in my life. Low level smoothness at every turn. Soft red glows from under my couch, delicate blue throughout my basement, I could go on but I bloody won't.

035. VANS. not the shoes, the vehicles. HELLO... 8 people in one vehicle means more drunkards and less drunk drivers, HELLO... NOTHING from the hardware store is unreachable, HELLO... garage/yard/estate sales... MINE MINE MINE. HELLO, eight seats become one queen size bed!!!

036. THE INTERNET. You're on it!

037. SEX. Oh dear, it keeps rearing it's definitely NOT ugly head.

038. ONE ON ONE'S. Rarely these days one gets to chill and get trashed with just a few souls, I always have a better time with less people.

039. MASSAGES. I never get enough of them cos they are 80 dollars a pop damn it. I wish my Delicious didn't charge so much! (jokes)

040. THIS. Is not very easy. Struggles ahoy!

041. CLEVER PEOPLE. I am blessed to have some minds around me that are as smart as shit. They tell me all this crazy stuff that I never learnt about science and chemistry and stuff. It is dreadfully exciting. I Wish I was even slightly interested in that stuff when they were teaching it to me at school instead of painting small matchbox cars to look like hot rods.

042. ART. I'm sure I will mention it again three or four times. Self expression. I scare myself sometimes. No medium is safe from the clutches of my whimsy. If whimsy it be deemed.

043. TOOLS. We get better and better at building things that do other things for us, I want them all, grinding, drilling, cutting, shaping GRRRRRRRRRR.

044. TEMPER. I used to have a wicked temper, I live in fear of it. it wasn't a "throw-your-wife-out-the-window" temper, more like a "smash-the-living-fuck-out-of-your-appliances" type thing. I had to press play on my video recorder with a pencil after a while. It still worked though?!

045. LEGS. I like my legs. They are the least affected by weight gain for starters.

046. FLEECE. How soft can stuff get!!

047. MONEY. I do need it. I do want more of it. But I am already happy so if I never see more than I am already getting... Fuck it.

048. POWER. This is getting silly.

049. THE SECOND IMPRESSION. I spent many years trying to impress people with a smart appearance and polite attitude. Now it is ingrained in me a little too much so I try to ignore niceties and focus on letting people make there own impression, normally after I have burned any chance of a first impression by coming across as a waif. If I make it to the second impression, it's a much more satisfying goal. winning someone at the second impression is WAY better.

050. MARSHMALLOW FLUFF.

051. 6:30AM, low level fog over London, me standing at the front of a warehouse with three big black boxes, my CDs and my CD mixer (which recently died) I'm watching 'pill'ed up sweaty raver kids appear and shy away from the gray as if it's the brightest midday Australian sun, we are all waiting for mini cabs, the one with my name on it has been taken by someone smart enough to say it's them. That soft brained feeling. I was "the man" in there. Groovespook, chill room DJ. My musical credo... Chill-Thrill-Dope-Trip-Space-Bop.

052. A humid afternoon staring out over the Gold Coast's Broadwater with my sister, having a deep and meaningful chat and just being brother and sister really really well.

053. AIRPORTS. Picking people up, dropping them off, going somewhere, arriving. I love the airport thang. I say I'm not a big traveler but I have accidentally ended up all over this planet. Damn it.

054. WORK. (see also 70-75) I've gained innumerable experience from people I have worked with, like my amazingly talented cousin Simon (F&B manager of many fine hotels including Hilton!) And that MOFO too! lucky me.

055. CIGARETTES. I quit like nearly 5 years ago, but I'm not one of those dashed awful reformed smokers. NO NOT ME! I still have one every couple of months maybe, True they are simply AWFUL for your system but hey, what can you do.

056. I once made a path through a treacherous rain forest, I was 15. Me and 2 friends found the only way through was to chop a massive tree down and walk over it. I am talking MASSIVE. The trunk I remember vividly was at least 36 inches in diameter. It took us 4 full days with hand axes, little boys ones. Although I shun at the thought of the death and depravation we reeked, the shear immense power of such a tree crashing through trees, palms, vines, bringing a huge amount of rain forest canopy down. It was just amazing. It had to be over 100 foot high. The adrenalin. OH yeah. The death, the upheaval of years of micro ecology. The almost block sized area of jungle exposed to the harsh burning Australian sun. Sorry.

057. Ever trying to "fit in" and be inconspicuous, I once took my black racing bike and zebra striped white stripes all over it with electrical tape. it took ages but the effect was amazing. KNOWONE would steal that bike. Or if they did, I would find out who had it pretty bloody quick.

058. I was in a metalwork class once with my favorite hole wriddled jumper (sweater). I would take the end of the arms and poke all my fingers through the holes. It was a good idea till the key grinding machine I was using tangled up in it and brought my naked wrist just millimeters to the blades of the cutting saw. Luckily it jammed it up so the blade stopped spinning. Unluckily though my teacher was standing over me. he threw me out and then threw all the pieces of my jumper at me.

059. THE BONE FOREST. When I was really small, like before I was 10, we lived in England near the New Forest. Typical Robin Hood type stuff. My parents would take the family out for long walks and one particular walk was through a pine filled area. the needles on the ground made a soft fun filled landscape and the thick covering prevented anything growing down there on the ground. Animals of all shapes and sizes would often choose this area to die. I don't know why, it was just uncanny that loads and loads of bones where scattered all over the place. Deer, Ferrets, Badgers, great fun looking for skulls.

060. WORKSHOP. My dear old dad and my Brother have a massive carpenter/joiner/fitter/cabinet maker workshop with all the tools you will ever need. I miss it so.

061. BEER. Oh I already said that one, I guess it's cos I was initiated into drinking it in that very workshop (60) that brought me back.

062. LIZARDS. I used to tease this guy at school who collected Lizards, I won't even repeat what we used to call him, he was a good mate though, old L.F. I love lizards now. I remember holding two frilly necked lizards by the tail (not recommended - they can turn and bite and they have clamping jaws that do not let go, even if you chop their heads off!) I ran through the campsite to the wonder of all going "LOOK AT THESE LIZARDS!!!!" 14 years old at the time.

063. Remember Howard Jones? I emulated his amazing hair in the mid eighties and managed to get it fairly close. Much to the amusement of people who happen to have a picture of me with that mop.

064. Remember Rik from The Young Ones? I also emulated his haircut at one stage, even down to the misplaced rats tails. I still cant work out why I would want to BE Rik, but it was fun.

065. While I am on the subject of follicles, I should mention that once every 16 months or so, I grow my hair to about 2.5 inches (it gets unbearable if it gets any longer) and then cut it all off except for some mohawk styled slashes. Usually 2 or 3 of them in odd positions. "Hair By Fairy" still has a picture of one such event on their wall in Covent Garden. (well, they did last time I was there anyway) My head is a great canvas and my hair is so disgustingly thick - like straw- that I don't need too much gunk to stick it up like a SPIKE!!! Love it.

066. VISUALS always amaze me, I have sat through Titan AE many times for the amazing visuals, despite the irritating creatures that just don't fit in the film... GOON, SITH, etc. All that Matrix type stuff, Manga. CGI, it's all GREAT. GREAT GREAT GREAT.

067. 4WDing, (SUVing) My brother got me started. It may have been the adrenalin rush from jumping an old short wheel base Landcruiser over a 1.5 meter drop, landing and TOTALLY WRECKING the vehicle. All the dent compound came off the vehicle exposing years of filled up holes and dents and the best bit was what we did to the frame. WE BENT THE FUCKING thing like a banana! he he. The worst experience was getting another short wheel base landcruiser (Toyota's, you know) bogged to the rims and having to use the winch to do a five point turn to get it out. Only later to discover that you have to switch the wheels into 4 wheel drive manually on those old ones. we weren't even in 4 wheel drive. Sad.

068. Once, on a New Years eve while I was a room service attendant (night shift) in a 450 room hotel on the lovely Gold Coast (QLD Australia) The night chef made himself, me and the steward a whole roast chicken surrounded by French fries each! I made Kahlua thick shakes and we went up to an empty suite and scoffed the lot while watching the world celebrate the new year in. Great times.

069. ....Speaks for itself really.

070. Room service. 068 sparked the next few entries related to my experience in the world. Out of school when I was 16 (hated it you see) I started work as a casual room service waiter. Learnt loads about serving. Earnt money. Spent said money on material goodies, CDs, Stereos, musical instruments. The crowning moment was doing 56 covers in a single dinner shift. Knowone could beat it. I used to sneak in the extra Fillet Mignon on an order once in a while. It was amazing just how quickly I could eat a whole main course dinner when I was waiting for the elevator to take me back down to the kitchen. he he

071. Banqueting. I went from bar man to Head waiter in banqueting quite quickly. We used to do dinner for 600 guests, clean up and reset the room for a function for 500 and I would be the man. Take in mind I was 17 and all the other waiters/resses were in their mid 20's to 50's.

072. Restaurant. I was a waiter in a 5 star A la carte restaurant for a while too. I learnt the ins and outs of proper service. setting out cutlery for swanky 5 course meals etc. Oh the Pomp and circumstance. I just wish I could afford to experience that service, if you could even find it, these days.

073. Concierge. This was the most excellent job. I started out commanding 3 guys and making sure that anything up to around 500 bags went to rooms in record time. I would number the bags and then show the guys just how many bags you can fit on a trolley. We had lots of fun. I worked in a hotel that dealt with mainly Asian guests. Many at a time. I then graduated to a 5 star hotel and helped open it! I taught 15 uneducated school leavers to be bell men and bell captains and have loads of useless certificates and letters of credit to prove it. Then I went to London where the REAL concierges are. Damn.

074. The London Concierge experience deserves its own entry. I worked in the Hotel Russell and the SAS Radisson Portman Square. Wonderful places with history and impeccable service. Portman Square is just behind Selfridges off of Oxford street. Very rich people doubling my wages every week with HUGE tips. Free theatre tickets, kick backs from strip clubs, taxis, limos. Yes sir I can organize you a new cell phone at 3 in the morning etc. MAD MAD time.

075. Shopfitting. All the time throughout my Australian life I worked with my father and brother in their very successful business catering to shop owners. I learnt so much about carpentry and fixing and doing work like that. I wish I could still do the odd weekend to keep my skills up to date. Now that I own a home though I am finding myself doing quite a bit of that.

076. Graphic Design. I did many, many, many awful filler ads for the Daily News and the Star Ledger of NYC and NJ respectively. It was my "hard time" that I had to do to get where I am today. Which is still nowhere, until I look out the window of the tenth floor office we are in that overlooks the entire New York City, from the East Village right up to the Empire State building.

077. Desktop Technician. (Nowhere) Sounds very technical and sometimes it bloody well is! I enjoy the work and the knowledge I gain from my empowered coworkers. Photoshop - expert. Illustrator - expert. Quark - very nearly expert. Acrobat and all these other technical pagination applications that would boggle the mind. I still long to be doing more artistic stuff. Later, I'm sure I'll get there. I KNOW I'll get there.

078. STATIONARY. Oh yeah, every time I go to England I have to pick up refills for my calligraphy brush. it is like a Japanese bamboo brush and a Monte Blanc pen rolled into one. Pentel make it and its only available in Europe. I searched EVERYWHERE over here for one to no avail. Give me any type of stationary and I will come up with something artistic. love love love.

079. POP. Sad though it may seem. Eighties music is deeply embedded in me. My poor Delicious gets the odd bout of Go West, Thomas Dolby, Level 42 etc. I could go on for hours.

080. I can't believe I got to 80! I was convinced by 50 I would have to quit.

081. FASHION. despite my own sense of style (if that it be deemed) I love outfits and stuff, My delicious has wonderful outfits and my dear friend Verena (www.verena-online.com) well, her site speaks for itself. she is soon to achieve TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. I wish I could spend loads of cash on clothes but unfortunately, if it doesn't make music, create art or get my TRASHED, it comes a very far second on my list of things to buy.

082. HAND ME DOWNS. That (81) is why I love hand me downs. Worn in clothes feel more comfy to me and most of my friends have unreal clothes that they get rid of far earlier than they should.

083. DRIVING. Despite living in New Jersey, home of the FUCKWIT DRIVER, I love driving. I drove to Sydney a couple of times. 12 hours maybe. Mind you, if there is no stereo in the car.... FORGET IT.

084. I can bake now! I just started to bake cakes and, like my other cooking exploits, I do pretty well. I am truelly gifted in the kitchen. It is either absolutely scrumptious or completely inedible. Thankfully with age the completely inedible dishes are getting fewer and farrer between.

085. Man I am enjoying mowing my lawn. Horticulture is great fun. I have started the year long process of growing my hedge into an unusual shape. Porl Scissor hands?

086. POETRY. I would not deem myself a poet really, but I do enjoy a certain stylistic prose and hope to one day get the guts to do some spoken word stuff in front of people. "Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking..."

087. COMEDY, Black Adder, Young Ones, Bottom, Python. The list could go on and on. Comedy is a tonic. My poetic performing bent will no doubt feature comedy. if not deliberately?!

088. I'm a bit of a PACIFIST. Truth is, I have, in the past, exerted a strength within me that has shocked and amazed myself as well as others. Having not had too much experience with hitting living things, I worry that I may do more damage than necessary, to me or to the interested party. I broke my 5th metacarpal in three places when I attempted to relieve my frustrations on an innocent lounge suite once. My temper plays a big role with that. I used to not be able to control it and I do worry that there is a boiling point. Or "an exploding point" might be a better description. (funny how the word fist is in pacifist - or am I spelling it wrong? FAUX PAS?)

089. WRITING. I don't really see myself getting better but I do see a consistent level of prose that makes me smile. And that's what counts REALLY isn't it. Isn't it?

090. REGRETS. NONE. I could look back on my life and say "if only I did...." etc but to be honest, the well rounded and distinctly individual Porly in front of this screen just wouldn't be the well rounded and distinctly individual Porly in front of this screen without the choices, right or wrong, that I have made. Sure, some really crappy things have happened, but they have made me appreciate so much more that there is to this life.

091. HONESTY? Bloody hell, it's a bit late to start getting all socially responsible and shit. I'm not going to spend the last ten entries being a moral PRATT. BUT, Honesty is the best policy. Many times I see successful people getting what they want beyond my wildest dreams by being deceiving, snide mother fuckers and I think, Damn it, why can't I do that? well, it's cos I think of OTHERS once in a while. Harumph.

092. BABBLEWAFFLE. Since the insurgence of green multitudes replicated the geocentric milieu of rosary bead architecture, I have massacred the 7 teal bird baths to accommodate said ring leaders in their awkward boom stands. Know what I mean?

093. NATURE. What an awesome force. What a beautiful sky. etc etc.

094. This vent. I have to say that although my entries into this Diaryland thing are becoming a little similar and sometimes just plain BORING, I am really enjoying letting this crap out of me.

095. GAMBLING. I can't afford to and I usually lose, thankfully online free gambling games make it painless and penniless. he he.

096. TATTOOs. There are a number of real people with pieces of skin stained with my own designs. I could never get my own as I fear I would cover my whole body in a short period. The only one I might get is the word BOLLOCKS with a small arrow pointing to them, on my inner thigh. A. it's a very delicate area for a ta giving me street cred and B. it says alot about me.

097. I HAVE to mention sex again. Wish I knew why it is so ingrained in my psyche, well, I don't care really. I know that feeling won't go away.

098. Desktop Patterns, on offshoot of spending 8 hours a day in front of a computer. Why nobody else changes their desktop patterns everyday eludes me. New day, New computer. Simply 1.create a 23" x 19" Photoshop JPG (72dpi) 2.fill it with a difference cloud filter 3.Select all, copy and place the image on another layer 4. turn that layer upside down 5. make that layer a "difference" layer 6. gaussian blur it a bit 7. colorize that layer and adjust the saturation and hue to your effect 8. Save and make it your desktop. Easy!

099. Memory. Mine is depleting but some of these entries are testament to it still retaining some stuff.

100. Me. I'm so happy I am me. I have a great time and thank god (yes him, we are mates you know) that my life is so blessed. I'm done. PHEW.

p

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Wane - Wax

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